If you haven't been privy to the comments Gwyneth Paltrow made
to E! Entertainment about being a "working mom," here's the quick
Paltrow told E! how easy an office job is for parents, compared
to working on a movie set. "I think it's different when you have an
office job, because it's routine and, you know, you can do all the
stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening." She
also said, "When you're shooting a movie, they're like, 'We need
you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,' and then you work 14 hours a
day, and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a
regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges,
but it's not like being on set."
This is what happens when actors raise actors, it's generations
of clueless people.
Being a parent at any level is hard. Even when you live in a $10
million mansion and have a net worth of more that $60 million,
parenting is a challenge.
That being said, I have worked on plenty of sets and know that
the people who have it the easiest is, in fact, the talent. The job
of the crew is to make sure that the talent can focus on their job
of "acting," the grownup overpaid thing your kids do with dolls and
monster trucks aka playing make-believe.
When it's cold out, the talent stays warm until it's time to
act. When it's hot out the talent stays cool until it's time to
act. It's a tough gig. Before people like Gwyneth have to come onto
the set, they have makeup artists making sure their hair and makeup
are "picture perfect." Before they have to "go to work" on the set,
they have people picking out their clothes for them to make sure
they look their best. It's hard having all those people making all
of those hard decisions for you while you are paid to Tweet to your
1.89 million followers about the importance of drinking water and
hanging out with the Glee cast. Poor, poor girl.
So the million dollar bet: I bet Gwyneth ONE MILLION DOLLARS
that she is unable to be a stay-at-home parent for two weeks
without any help or melting down. If she wins, I will work as her
man-servant in a French Maid costume for free.
If you are game, Gwyneth, here are a few things you need to
understand about parenting without the $60 mil or entourage to help
you get through the fortnight:
Food -- This is something you cook and feed to your kids.
Cook -- This is something your craft service people do for you
on the set after they consult with your nutritionist.
Shopping -- This is something your house manager or nutritionist
does at a place called a grocery store. These are places where
people have to go during the day to buy the food to bring to the
kitchen to cook for the kids. See how they are tied together?
But wait there's more!
Once the children are done eating -- they do this at least three
times a day, BTW -- then you have to clean the dishes. Since you
were raised by actors, you may not know this word. Clean is
something your housekeeper probably does; it is something other
parents do with soap and water in the kitchen. It's a gross, nasty
job that you have to do while somehow taking care of the kids at
the same time.
Because most of us don't have a live-in nanny.
There, you made it to 7:30 a.m. You only have 11 more hours
before the kids get to bed and you can catch up on cleaning, paying
bills (that's something your business manager does), balancing the
household budget (your accountant), exercising without a personal
trainer or a yogi. Oh and if you are lucky, you get a shower before
you fall into the bed.
So I am throwing down the challenge, Gwyneth. Come on over and
live in our home for two weeks, keep the schedule we keep, do the
things that we do, make the massive sacrifices that not only we
make, but most parents make, and see if you can survive.
Believe it or not, in the 180 years I have been married, I have yet
to know a couple that has "uncoupled."
A million bucks isn't much for you but to a family like ours it
would go a long way to pay for my kids' college (that's what kids
outside of Hollywood do instead of go to rehab), and pay off our
bills (again talk to your business manager about that one) as well
as pay off our house (we have a thing called a mortgage
(moooree-gage)). A mortgage is like going to the casino, but you
just keep paying the house over and over again for 30 years.
You see, my dear Gwyneth, for the rest of us, parenting isn't
playing "make-believe." It's a hard, full-time, poop-covered, dirty
dose of reality that makes you laugh, cry, sing and scream all
without anyone calling "action."
If you win, I will happily be your man-servant to cook, clean,
take care of Apple and the other one all while wearing a French
Maid costume and a smile.
I am waiting for your answer. Bring it on. I hope you like
chicken nuggets and poop diapers, cuz we have a lot of them.
David Wallach thinks SAHD sounds sad. He’s a D.A.D. A Dad All Day!
See more of David's stories here.
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