I have a four-year-old boy who is "mostly" potty trained. His pee pants to non-pee pants ratio is pretty low.
As a parent, you look forward to that glorious moment when you know you no longer have to kneel on urine soaked floors or wipe a poop butt anymore. I think there should be a potty trained "quinceañero," complete with a mariachi band, piñatas filled with never used wipes and plenty to drink. It's worth celebrating.
When that moment comes, you think it's the glorious end. However, if you have a boy, it's just half time. Though he barely pees in his pants, aim is another issue for my son.
I'm sure in the "caveman days" Mr. and Mrs. Caveman didn't have to worry about aim. They would just take their cave boy outside the cave, point him at a tree, shrub, or Mastodon and let him do his business. Easy.
Today, in the post-caveman times, aim is a big deal. Actually, when you are four, 'no aim' is a better description. Everything distracts this kid, which leads to pee on the floor, pee on the bowl, pee on the basin, pee on the wall and in one strange incident, pee on the toilet paper!
I have a friend whose wife is convinced that their toilet is broken because there is always pee on the floor next to the base of the toilet. They have two boys so the yellow river flows rich through their floors.
You can only "help aim" for so long, before you have to take drastic measures. I have tried standing next to him and saying "aim buddy, aim." That only leads to him looking up at me and pee ends up on the wall. I have tried bribes, threats and gifts. None of it works for that long and the pee flies free.
A few things to remember:
Guys aren't that great at aim. At 45, peeing is one of the few things I can do with my eyes completely closed. I wake up, stumble to the bathroom, feel my shins hit the bowl and let fly. If I hear water, great, if I don't I shift and keep going.
The "pee shiver" is an unknown and uncontrollable phenomenon that happens when you least expect it and sends pee flying everywhere. It's like a mini-pee seizure that starts at your penis and flies up your spine, making your whole body convulse. The result? Pee flying every place, like water from a fire hose that escaped a firefighter's grasp.
You can't expect miracles. Aim is not our strength. It's like women telling a short, to the point story. It's never gonna happen.
We won't even get into that weird split stream that happens for no reason. Who the heck knows what causes that? Too many sunflower seeds?
To help with aim I have come up with a quick fix that really works well, I call it "The Pee Game."
Kids like games and The Pee Game started when I was cleaning up stray pieces of dog food on the floor. I tossed a piece into the toilet and thought, "This would make great target practice."
As I knocked that piece of kibble across the bowl, it hit me, "This is fun. I wonder if it would work with a Cheerio?" Several glasses of water later, it did in fact work with Cheerio!
Later that day, I announced to my son that I had a new game! I have never watched him concentrate so intently before. He aimed at the Cheerio and all of the pee stayed in the bowl! He was amazing and I didn't have to clean up after him. Now we keep a small bowl of Cheerios next to the toilet. He can work on his aim and have a snack at the same time!
Unless they make the troths at Wrigley a household thing, aim is never going to be something guys master, but The Pee Game can help your little guy along.
What has worked for your boy(s)?
David Wallach thinks SAHD sounds sad. He’s a D.A.D. A Dad All Day!
See more of David's stories here.