I have a four-year-old boy who is "mostly" potty
trained. His pee pants to non-pee pants ratio is pretty
As a parent, you look forward to that glorious
moment when you know you no longer have to kneel on urine soaked
floors or wipe a poop butt anymore. I think there should be a potty
trained "quinceañero," complete with a mariachi band, piñatas
filled with never used wipes and plenty to drink. It's worth
When that moment comes, you think it's the glorious
end. However, if you have a boy, it's just half time. Though he
barely pees in his pants, aim is another issue for my
I'm sure in the "caveman days" Mr. and Mrs. Caveman
didn't have to worry about aim. They would just take their cave boy
outside the cave, point him at a tree, shrub, or Mastodon and let
him do his business. Easy.
Today, in the post-caveman times, aim is a big
deal. Actually, when you are four, 'no aim' is a better
description. Everything distracts this kid, which leads to pee on
the floor, pee on the bowl, pee on the basin, pee on the wall and
in one strange incident, pee on the toilet paper!
I have a friend whose wife is convinced that their
toilet is broken because there is always pee on the floor next to
the base of the toilet. They have two boys so the yellow river
flows rich through their floors.
You can only "help aim" for so long, before you have to
take drastic measures. I have tried standing next to him and saying
"aim buddy, aim." That only leads to him looking up at me and pee
ends up on the wall. I have tried bribes, threats and gifts.
None of it works for that long and the pee flies free.
A few things to remember:
Guys aren't that great at aim. At 45, peeing is one
of the few things I can do with my eyes completely closed. I
wake up, stumble to the bathroom, feel my shins hit the bowl and
let fly. If I hear water, great, if I don't I shift and keep
The "pee shiver" is an unknown and uncontrollable
phenomenon that happens when you least expect it and sends pee
flying everywhere. It's like a mini-pee seizure that starts at your
penis and flies up your spine, making your whole body convulse. The
result? Pee flying every place, like water from a fire hose that
escaped a firefighter's grasp.
You can't expect miracles. Aim is not our strength.
It's like women telling a short, to the point story. It's never
We won't even get into that weird split stream that
happens for no reason. Who the heck knows what causes that? Too
many sunflower seeds?
To help with aim I have come up with a quick fix
that really works well, I call it "The Pee Game."
Kids like games and The Pee Game started when I was
cleaning up stray pieces of dog food on the floor. I tossed a piece
into the toilet and thought, "This would make great target
As I knocked that piece of kibble across the bowl,
it hit me, "This is fun. I wonder if it would work with a Cheerio?"
Several glasses of water later, it did in fact work with
Later that day, I announced to my son that I had a
new game! I have never watched him concentrate so intently
before. He aimed at the Cheerio and all of the pee stayed in the
bowl! He was amazing and I didn't have to clean up after him.
Now we keep a small bowl of Cheerios next to the toilet. He
can work on his aim and have a snack at the same time!
Unless they make the troths at Wrigley a household
thing, aim is never going to be something guys master, but The Pee
Game can help your little guy along.
What has worked for your boy(s)?
David Wallach thinks SAHD sounds sad. He’s a D.A.D. A Dad All Day!
See more of David's stories here.
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