Some behaviors are inexcusable. I'm looking at you,
Then there's things that you don't even realize you
do. Things that bring confused looks and whispered questions from
friends and co-workers.
Those have an excuse. Or at least an explanation:
Because of parenting.
Because of parenting, I've had three cups of coffee
I'm singing the theme song to "Bubble Guppies"
under my breath.
My back hurts.
I'm worried about terrorism, obscure airborne viruses and
countless unlikely dangers.
I smell like regurgitated baby formula.
I cried at the end of "The LEGO Movie." Shut
I know a lot about dinosaurs.
There are stickers on my pants.
I won't attend a 5 p.m. meeting.
I send emails at 4 a.m.
Five minutes of silence sets off my
I started going to the doctor.
I think the complaints of single people are
I'm closer to my wife.
I miss my wife more.
I think I'm the greatest guy in the world.
I'm convinced I'm a complete failure as a
Netflix thinks I'm five.
I feel selfish having half an hour to myself.
I grab alone time like a drowning man hugs a life
I'm sick of coming up with excuses for not following my
I think about God or the Universe of The Force of whatever
you want to call it.
I'm more selective with my friendships.
Screaming babies don't bother me.
I've no patience for immature adults.
I'll dance, make ridiculous faces, pretend to be a monster
and sing little jingles I made up, all in public, and be totally
unembarrassed by doing it.
These are just a few of mine. What are some of your
"because of parenting" behaviors?
Alan has three sons and he writes about fatherhood (read: exploits his children), trying to turn boys into good men and his hatred for Caillou at alwaysjacked.com. His writing has also appeared at Families in the Loop, The Good Men Project, ThirtyMag and Pregnancy Magazine.
See more of Alan's stories here.
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